True Blood So Far

BY BILLIE DOUX

BAD BLOOD

Arlene: “I’m sorry you fell in love with a serial killer, all right? But honestly, who here hasn’t?”

Definitely fast-moving and fun to watch, and I wasn’t bored for a moment. In fact, there was so much going on that I almost couldn’t track it. Maybe I should watch the episode a few more times, paying close attention to a couple of scenes in particular. Was there a lot of male nudity in this episode, or what?

Seriously (or comedically, if you prefer) I’m all for non-stop action (and male nudity), but I hope the entire season isn’t this chaotic.

This episode was basically a ton of season three set-up. Tara is seriously suicidal. Arlene is pregnant, which is never good when you’ve been blacking out at orgies. Jessica played with her food and wound up a murderer. Andy and Jason were busily and rather stupidly covering up what happened to Eggs. (What a homicidal group of characters we have.) How long will Jason be able to keep his mouth shut about Eggs? He can’t keep his mouth shut about anything.

And Eric was naked. I may have mentioned that already.

I was surprised that Bill was taken by drainers, not Lorena. And he’s already gotten himself loose. He’s not out of the woods yet, though, so to speak, since there appear to be werewolves in Mississippi. What was Eric planning to do with Bill? Were his intentions violent, or was he just planning to talk to Bill about the situation with the Queen? Who is seriously broke, and probably about to get Eric into huge trouble with the Magister. I bet the Queen would throw Eric under the bus in a heartbeat, if she had one. (Either a bus or a heartbeat.) How much power does the Magister have? Is the Queen subject to his justice? Would Eric throw the Queen under the bus? Of course he would.

The blood exchange sex dreams might be a big season three theme. I have to admit that Sam’s sex dream about Bill was pretty darned funny. (”I hear the water in Arkansas is… very hard.”) How many male cast members did we see naked in this episode?

And speaking of Eric naked, the way he confronted Sookie mid-coitus and calmly carried on a conversation with her was so funny. How did she manage to keep her eyes on his face?

Bits and pieces:

– The episode began at pretty much the moment it left off, just like last season. The cast is pretty much the same, with the subtraction of Mehcad Brooks (Eggs) and Michelle Forbes (Maryann), and addition of Kristin Bauer van Straten (Pam) and Marshall Allman (Tommy Mickens).

– Several sources listed this episode’s title as “Pack of Wolves.” What’s with that?

– This is the second season opener in which Bill was attacked by drainers.

– I didn’t once think about the books. Good for you, Alan Ball. I don’t *want* to think about the books. I want the books and the series to be two separate experiences.

– Sookie hasn’t had the chance yet to get the Maryann crap out of her house. Tara is clearly not equipped to help, what with the suicide attempt and hating Sookie and all.

– Jason used the word “dogma” correctly in a sentence. That’s not like Jason. Maybe it had something to do with canine psychology. Yes, I’m kidding.

– If Pam wasn’t just putting Lafayette on, she was once a lady of the evening.

– The scene with Bill and the elderly Olivia was actually rather sweet.

– In this season’s hair report, Hoyt managed to get a haircut pretty quickly. Oddly enough, so did Eric, whose hair is even shorter this season than last.

– Six hours of sex? Are you kidding me?

– Forget vampires and werewolves. The real horror was Tara being held by her mother.

Quotes:

Andy: “Conscience off, dick on, and everything’s gonna be all right.”
Jason: “Fine.”
Andy: “Say it with me. Conscience off.”
Jason: “Conscience off.”
Andy: “Dick what?
Jason: “Dick on.”
Andy: “And everything’s…”
Jason: “Gonna be all right.”

Pam: “Now, I don’t remember telling you that lavender was my favorite color.”
Sookie: “I’m in no mood for lesbian weirdness tonight, Pam.”

Pam: (obviously faking) “Sookie, stop. Don’t. Come back.” Loved this scene, really. I’m so glad we’re going to get more of Pam.

Sam: “Remind me never to mess with the Magnolia Chamber of Commerce.”

Lettie Mae: “I’m sorry about shooting your gun at you.”
Lafayette: “Bitch, you, me, bridge, it ain’t gonna muthafuckin happen.”

Great fun, but not terribly cohesive. Three out of four naked guys

BEAUTIFULLY BROKEN

True Blood: Beautifully Broken
by Billie Doux

Eric: “You’re going to invite me in so I can protect you. Or have passionate, primal sex with you.”

When I think of True Blood, the word that usually springs to mind is “outrageous.” This episode was definitely outrageous.

Nazi werewolves fueled by vampire blood? If they’ve been around since World War II and Eric never found out who their master was, it had to be a vampire. I assume that would be the King of Mississippi? Actually, seeing Eric and Godric undercover in SS uniforms was one of the best things about this episode. I wonder if Godric is one of those dead characters that will keep coming back forever, like Fitz on Highlander? That would be fine with me.

What does the King of Mississippi really want with Bill? He said he wants to marry the Queen of Louisiana. Does he think Bill is important to the Queen? I wonder if Bill really is important to the Queen? Whatever. That multi-course meal had me laughing out loud over and over again. Cruelty-free carbonated blood. Warm blood bisque infused with rose petals. The blood gelato was the best one. And I loved that toss off comment about Thai food.

I don’t think Lorena will be all that forgiving after getting a flaming lantern in the face. Maybe Bill should have been a bit more diplomatic.

Alan Ball clearly got the memo that the fans wanted more of Eric and Sookie. The outright flirtatious interaction between the two of them was just yummy. He even appeared susceptible to her tears; his face in that scene was priceless, sort of a cross between dismay and confusion. I hope he isn’t faking it for reasons of his own, because that will really tick me off.

And speaking of sexy vampires, it looks like Tara just got one of her own to help her beat up rednecks in the parking lot at Merlotte’s. Franklin Mott (his name wasn’t given in the episode, but it was in the credits) is almost certainly going to be great big trouble, something Tara most certainly doesn’t need right now, but I thought he was cool. (I think I just put my finger on why I’ve dated so many wrong guys in my life.)

Earlier in the episode, Mott and his distinctive boots were going through Bill’s secret files (Bill’s secret files!) on Sookie and the Stackhouse family tree. Sookie and her grandfather were circled. I seem to remember Adele saying something about Sookie’s grandfather having a gift. Aha.

In other news… now we know where all of Lafayette’s money goes. That was actually quite touching. Alfre Woodard is an amazing actress, so I’m sure we’re going to see more of Ruby Jean Reynolds. I bet we’ll see more of Jesus, too. I mean Jesus the attendant, not the one Lettie Mae constantly brings up.

And then there’s Jessica. I loved her not so subtly pumping Pam on how not to kill her prey, and her efforts to dispose of the body. Chainsaws, air freshener… doesn’t Bill live next door to a cemetery? Do the math and get a shovel, Jessica.

Except the problem seems to have taken care of itself. Uh oh.

Bits and pieces:

– Sam’s adventures with his bio family made me think he should have left well enough alone. His homicidal little bulldog of a brother has trouble literally written all over him.

– Hoyt hasn’t given up on Jessica. That was sweet. It was also sweet of Jason to stop by and clean the mud, blood and broken branches out of Sookie’s house.

– Anna Paquin did a cute impression of Stephen Moyer saying, “Sookehhh.”

– Calvin Norris of Hotshot was running a meth lab?

– Jason and Andy might as well tell the world what really happened to Eggs, because it’s going to come out of Jason’s mouth eventually, anyway.

– Jason saw a mysterious blonde in the woods. Well, he hasn’t had sex in at least a day, so I guess it’s time to introduce a new love interest for him.

– Terry has a diploma in anger management and an armadillo living under his bed. Okay. Arlene needs to tell Terry. Actually, if Terry were more strongly connected to reality, he would have figured it out by now.

– Silver door. Nice touch.

– Sam is 34.

– A Snoop Dogg video entitled “Oh Sookie” aired after the episode. Very funny.

Quotes:

Bill: “Cooter? Seriously?”

Pam: “Let’s go in the ladies room and stare at ourselves in the mirror.”

Jessica: “But how do you stop?”
Pam: “I think about crying children with soggy diapers. Also maggots.”

Eric: (to Sookie, who is crying) “Please don’t do that. Makes me feel… disturbingly human.”

Sookie: “It’s five a.m. What are you doing eating my chicken in the dark?”

Jason: “There’s werewolves?”
Sookie: “Yes.”
Jason: “Shit. Bigfoot, is he real, too?”
Sookie: “I don’t know. I guess it’s possible.”
Jason: “Santa?”

Terry: “Usually when I see things other people don’t, it’s because I haven’t taken my medication.”

Terry: “You know how to use one of these?”
Sookie: “I ain’t that blonde.”

Jason: “You’re my best friend.”
Andy: “Now that’s just sad.”

IT HURTS ME TOO

Lorena: “The only way to show your love for a human is to stay away. Forever.”

I apologize in advance for the pun, but that final sex scene was really twisted. And it had to be frustrating for Bill, who wanted Lorena to suffer, not get off on it. Maybe she considers a flaming lamp in the face as foreplay.

The King of Mississippi says that Bill’s only option is to turn Sookie. I wonder if the point of this episode is that mixed marriages never work? It’s true that Bill’s relationship with Sookie has kept her in constant danger for the past two seasons, and now Bill has cheated on Sookie in a way that gives rough sex a whole new meaning. Changing monarchs and states was sweet of Bill, as well as smart, but it isn’t going to save Sookie from Lorena, is it?

That Bill flashback was intense and moving, and I absolutely felt for him. Lorena was practically gentle with Caroline. I wonder if she let her live, or if she went back later and killed her? No, I don’t think so. Bill would never have stayed with Lorena so long if she had killed Caroline. I think Lorena really does love Bill. For whatever it’s worth.

You know, I don’t usually find sex scenes confusing, but I wasn’t really sure what Franklin was doing to Tara. (And I’m not sure I want to know.) Franklin is super creepy in a sexy sort of way, obviously bad trouble, but I just love him. That dueling fangs scene with Jessica and the head in a bag was too funny. This show needs a character like Franklin. Think about it. Lorena is mostly hateful, the king is devious but practical, the queen is downright weird, Pam and Jessica are absolutely marvelous comic relief, and Bill and Eric are our sexy undead leading men. We need a scary vampire, don’t we?

I liked Alcide, too. Perfect casting; he’s exactly the way I pictured the character in the books, and it’s hard not to like him. Imagine what would have happened if Sookie had gone into that bar alone? And you know she would have.

I wish Sookie had stayed in Louisiana, though, because there is finally something going on between Sookie and my guy Eric. She’s looking at him with genuine interest, and there’s a new gentleness in the way he’s treating her. And they just bonded over killing a guy and burying a body together. (Jessica should have been there to take notes.) Hey, Sookie — forget that troublesome vampire Bill and that big, sexy werewolf Alcide. Thousand year old Vikings are the bomb.

Bits and pieces:

– The HBO screen that showed at the beginning had fangs popping out of the HD logo.

– How many people have died in Sookie’s house now?

– Sookie paid for Eggs’ funeral, for Tara’s sake. That was sweet.

– Sheriff Dearborne quit. Does that mean Andy will be promoted? And Jason will be hired? Loved the hieroglyphics test paper and nudity dream. Who hasn’t had those?

– Arlene’s baby daddy must be Rene. What she just did to Terry was stupid and infuriating.

– Poor Sam. Mom and Dad are dishonest and lack class, as well as rocking the dirty underwear look, but little brother is downright felonious. Sam will never get rid of them now that they know he has a lucrative business. Shapeshifting adoptees, beware.

– Eric gave Lafayette a car? The best part of that scene was how Lafayette tried to get as far away from Eric as he could while still sitting next to him.

– Alcide and the bouncer at the bar talked about Alcide’s ex, Debbie, announcing her engagement to Coot the following night. As a fan of the books, I’ve been waiting for Debbie, and I won’t get more spoilery than that.

– Jessica waiting tables at Merlotte’s is a comedy skit waiting to happen. Let’s cross our fingers.

– Were there hands in the bag too?

– Unfortunately, no episode next week. It’s a human holiday in the United States.

Quotes:

Eric: “I got your rug all wet.”

Russell: “It’s like Armageddon in here every time someone chips a dessert glass.”

Pam: “Spit it out, cupcake. I’m in the middle of something.”
Jessica: “Right. You remember how I was asking how you, you know, what
you would do if you, like… killed somebody by accident?”
Pam: “Did you call the hypothetical hardware store and buy a theoretical chainsaw?”

Pam: “Lie back, sweetheart, and think of Estonia.”
Was that the same dancer Eric was having six hours of sex with?

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