Survivor 19.9 & 19.10

BY GARY SHERWOOD

Is there still any doubt Russell is a god? I’m talking a stone cold deity able to bend reality to his whim. “I’m really learning to love that guy,” says the normally put-out Jaison in the wake of one of Russell’s brainstorms, and I have to believe he’s speaking not only for himself but to those in the audience who thought the bald schemer was just a crude redneck whose only talent was conning some of the more water-brained girls into voting his way.

Russell knows as well as anyone he’s brown bread when the Aigas return from blindsiding Erik. He used his idol unnecessarily and now he’s SOL. But does he cry and beg for mercy and offer to do unspeakable things for the asking like I would? No, he waits ‘til half the tribe, all smug Galus, are off on some silly water slide Reward, then he scours the campsite and WILLS THE IDOL INTO APPEARING. AGAIN. He then tells Shambo, once again on the outs with her original tribe, and they plan to let the Galus vote for him. Then he’ll reveal the idol, nullify any votes directed towards him, and they’ll get rid of Laura. And if Laura should win Immunity? “Then we should take out one of her posse.” Monica is already weak and not well-liked by the Galu guys, so she’s not much of a threat. That leaves Kelly.

You know who else is proving their awesomeness? Natalie, who as recently as a couple of episodes ago I had written off as just so much interchangeable blonde cannonfodder, albeit a bit more refined with her Southern manners. But the merge seems to have awoken something in her. First, she was the prime mover in the Erik blindside. Then this week, she kills a rat (as sweetly and politely as she knows how) then brings it back to camp for the day’s meal. “It’s like beef jerky,” says Russell. Only furrier. It’s furry jerky. There’s a telling moment when the Galus plot the order they’ll pick off the Galus, and Natalie follows Russell, ahead of Mick and Jaison.

Laura, Mick and Shambo are the finalists in a two-part Immunity Challenge, which Laura does end up winning mainly because Mick and Shambo apparently don’t have a four-year-old’s capacity to match shapes to their respective holes. This is what happens when you let Fisher-Price design the challenges. When the Galus meet to confirm Russell as their next victim, John brings up the possibility that Russell may have found another idol since he’s done it before. Uh-oh, the Galus may not be so dumb after all. Just kidding, of course they are. Dave argues there’s no way Russell could even be aware of a second idol, let alone be able to find it. So when Tribal Council rolls along (featuring a silent but angry Erik as the first jurist), Dave expertly duplicates Erik’s sandal-into-mouth trick as he tells Jeff there’s no way the outnumbered Foa Foas can prevail against the numerically superior Galus. Ain’t gonna happen, no sir, never in a million years. And it’s sweeter than a thousand Starbursts (the candy, not the stellar event) when Russell busts out that second Immunity Idol in as many episodes. Dave, clearly pole axed, can only mouth, “Oh wow,” as Russell brings his prize to Jeff. “Keep hope alive!,” Russell says with a smile before the votes are read. This time, he did it right. The slew of votes cast against him are disqualified, and as planned it’s Kelly who’s shown the door.

In the Penthouse

Russell – Bow your heads!

In the Doghouse

Dave – All night I kept thinking back to the Reward lunch, where Dave and four other Galus got a note telling them there was another idol back at camp. Besides agreeing not to share this info with the Foa Foas, they made no effort to find the idol even though they knew what Russell was capable of. So although they’re all culpable of letting themselves get blindsided, I hold Dave primarily responsible since he was the most adament that the Foa Foas were no longer a threat.

I’ve been having people call and e-mail that this was the best episode of the season, and of course they’re right. That’s two blindsides in two weeks, and this once lackluster season is now as gripping as any. And like him or not, you owe it all to the fat man in the fedora.

Next week sees the Galus finally doing what they should’ve done this week; scrambling to beat Russell to another Immunity Idol.

19.10

By now, I no longer have to tell you how chockfull of awesome Russell is. Returning from the BEST TRIBAL COUNCIL EVER (see last week’s comments), Russell rightly says the blindside of Kelly was his “Picasso.” He goes on to tell the others, “That was almost as good as the birth of my children.”

This ep suffers by comparison, as there are no real surprises. The Foa Foas, as usual acting on Russell’s orders, make no secret that Laura is gonna be wearing a toe tag. Shambo, the Phantom Foa as I dub her, is totally aboard. I get a little worried her blabbing to Brett and John is gonna blow the deal but I guess the Galus have pretty much figured out which team she’s really playing for (and no, that’s not a reference to her sexuality, so no angry e-mails please).

Okay, I suppose it is a little surprising that after all this time, no one puts much effort into stopping Russell from finding his third freakin’ Immunity Idol. After winning yet another picnic (is the Reward fairy even trying anymore?), Dave, John, Laura, Natalie and Russell take photos with some ham fistedly product-placed phone that gives them a clue to the new idol. Back at camp, Russell wastes no time enlisting Jaison to help him find it. I love how it seems to never occur to Jaison that the Immunity Idol could help him as well. Meanwhile, Dave and Laura basically follow Russell around but get this: the oil company owner, who let’s be charitable, has the build of a deflating kick ball, is able to outrun the fitness instructor. Seriously, Dave gets winded after like twenty feet. And Russell once more literally has Immunity in his pocket. If this man is not on next season’s all-stars, this show is done as far as I’m concerned.

You get the feeling CBS didn’t know how popular Russell would turn out to be? Seems like they assumed everyone would hate him, so he was marketed in early promos as a villain. But the fact that he is exponentially smarter, more strategic, and – this is key – more capable than any of the other castaways has slowly but surely turned him into the series’ first anti-hero. Sure, they’ve had plenty of favorites you were supposed to root for, like Yul and J.T. They were clean-cut nice guys who you just knew were gonna take home the million dollars. But Russell is a roly-poly, pug-faced, hick-drawlin’ avenger for all those who’ve ever felt shafted ‘cause of the way they looked or talked. I’m still stunned Sprint keeps shunning him in their ridiculous pick-the-player-who-changed-the-game contest. Far as I’m concerned, Russell changes everyone’s game every week.

So Laura finally blows the Immunity Challenge and everyone knows she’s doomed. Jaison and Mick had earlier tried to recruit Monica as their tie-breaking sixth vote, and it was a pretty sad spectacle. First, Jaison and Mick are not exactly the most charismatic or high energy guys on their best day. Second, Monica is dumber than a bent spoon. But during the fourth act scramble, Monica offers to join the Foa Foas if they spare Laura and take out John. Not happening, Russell tells her. Laura and Dave conceive a complicated plot to make the Foa Foas think they’re voting out John, while they’ll secretly vote for Natalie but John says that’s a horrible plan if you happen to be John. At Tribal Council, the first vote is a tie with Shambo and the Foa Foas voting for Laura while the remaining Galus vote for Natalie. Jeff orders a second vote, which Laura and Natalie have to sit out. If that ends up a tie, they then have to pick colored rocks, and we know how un-terrific that is. (Hey, what happened to the fire-starter challenge?) Anyway, the second vote sees Natalie rack up four votes…but John flips and Laura gets six, sending her off to the Ponderosa and jury duty. For the second time in as many weeks, Dave says “Wow” and Erik cheers as another Galu goes down.

In the Penthouse

The Foa Foa Four – They came into the merge at a 2-1 disadvantage. However, they had Russell, his strategic sense and will to win, not mention his hot and cold running Immunity idols. By staying strong, they have run roughshod over the numerically superior but every other damn thing inferior Galus and now they outnumber the once more powerful tribe. That’s how it’s done, folks.

In the Doghouse

It’s tempting to call out the Galus, but they were so overmatched this week, I don’t want to add insult to injury. Well, I do…but I won’t.

Next week sees yet another attempt to eject Russell but he’s dug in like a deer tick. His torch isn’t getting snuffed until Probst wrests it from his cold dead hands, then burns the corpse.

‘Til then!