Survivor 17.8 - 17.9

BY GARY SHERWOOD

17.8

The Galu dudes come up with an interesting bit of strategy. Rather than one of them leaping into the leadership breech left by Chief Russell’s untimely exit, they instead vote en bloc for Shambo. This ties her to them, all but guaranteeing she won’t be sucked into an alliance with the other gals. And Shambo wastes no opportunity to get some payback on the younger women. After Galu wins like it’s thousandth challenge and Jeff tells the winners to send someone to Foa Foa (thus denying them a lunch-on-sailboat Reward), Shambo gives the thankless task to Laura.

We haven’t gotten to know Laura very well these last few weeks, apparently with good reason; she’s duller than a plastic butter knife. Honing in on her resentment of being sent to the rival tribe, Russell swoops in and hitches another horse to the dumbass stage. Using the “one good Christian can always spot another” line, Russell has no trouble making the theology student believe he’s taking her to the Final Two.

Laura also ingratiates herself with Natalie, as they share an enthusiasm for everything bible-icious. Their spiritual jaw fest gets on Liz’s nerves, and I totally get that. What I don’t get is why Liz continues to SAY ALOUD everything she’s thinking. Already on Russell’s death list, Liz threatens to undo the groundwork he’s been laying with Laura and so the chromedomed conniver readies to vote her out next.

Except Liz once again does exceptional in the Immunity Challenge and Foa Foa has a good shot at winning…until listless Jaison craps out and the Galus win yet again. Now Russell’s thinking Jaison may have to go next, a scenario Liz is all too eager to see realized. Even Jaison seems okay with the possibility, telling Jeff if it means Foa Foa finally wins he’s ready to leave. Only Mark Burnett once again pulls the ol’ switcheroo as the Foa Foas, including Russell, vote off Liz after all. Combined with Maria and Tiffany’s exit from Amazing Race, it has not been a good week for Asian chicks on reality shows, meaning it has not been a good week for me.

In the Penthouse

Russell, Foa Foa – Last season’s cross-tribal alliance never got off the ground. Let’s see if the fedora’d Machiavelli can pull it off.

In the Doghouse

Mick, Foa Foa – Shambo demonstrates more leadership in five minutes than McDrowsy has done in seven whole episodes.

At Tribal Council, Jeff tells Foa Foa they’ve given one of the worst performances ever by a tribe. Not even close, say I. Cast your mind back to Survivor: Palau, where Steph was the only member of Ulong left standing by the time of the merge. And Speaking of merges, looks like we have one coming up.

17.9

The Foa Foas return from voting out Liz (something I’m still not thrilled about) and Russell declares the merge will happen soon so they’d best get their strategy on. And because Russell wields power over time and space, the merge happens the following day. I only pray he uses his powers for good. Oh, who am I kidding? Russell and “good” aren’t even on the same plane of reality, let alone island. He still remains my favorite simply by dint that he wants it the most and is doing the most to get it. My stepmom asks the following question: “Why has EVERYONE gotten skinnier and Russell is still a chubbo?” The answer of course is simple; Russell feeds off other people’s misery.

However, Russell and the other Foa Foas have to work like never before as the Galus outnumber them two-to-one. The new tribe name, Aiga, is Samoan for “extended family” but Erik asks, “What’s Samoan for ‘get the hell off my island?’” The fedora’d Foa Foa sprays “Russell seeds” like machine gun fire, first trying to recruit Laura (fail), then Monica (probable fail), then John (likely success). I think at one point, he even tries to win over a palm tree. Natalie finally proves her worth, using her connection with Laura to bond with the other young Galu gals. Mick and Jaison put in all the energy necessary for a vigorous sitting around, but as long as they vote the way Russell orders they still have some worth to him.

Russell convinces John they should break up any chance of an all-girl alliance by getting rid of his latest nemesis, Laura. Shambo is aboard, as she hates the young gals anyway. However, later on it looks like Shambo’s love for the Foa Foas has cooled significantly. And all it took was for the Galu guys to make her think she was the “leader.”

Laura messes things up by having the gall to, along with John, win Individual Immunity. So the final quarter sees unprecedented scrambling amongst the Foa Foas and lethally divided Galus. They’re voting out Monica. No, now the plan’s to vote out Jaison. Hold on, what if Erik left? Russell confesses for the first time in the game, he has no idea what’s going on. He’s bringing his Immunity Idol tonight, as is Erik.

At Tribal Council, Erik says Galu can’t lose as they so vastly outnumber the Foa Foas, they could maybe lose one defector and still easily wipe the other tribemembers out. He then patronizes the Foa Foas with his read on them . He describes Russell as a hustler while Mick just “takes it on the chin” and is too passive. But his most cutting remarks are directed towards Jaison, who has a lot of “potential” but can’t bring it all together to be a credible threat. Erik may be a little too candid but he’s not wrong. Well, not about the Foa Foas. What he is wrong about is the Galus being united since it’s his cocky ass which gets blindsided. However, since Russell assumed he might be voted out, he plays and loses his Immunity Idol. Bad move, as that was the prize he was holding out for each Galu he approached. Now he has nothing and they know his word is worth about as much as a Chris Brown apology.

In the Penthouse

Natalie – She’s the prime mover in getting Erik blindsided, proving she may be more after all than a doppelganger for Kelly.

In the Doghouse

Russell – Hate to knock my favorite player, but his usual subtle manueverings were too harried and ill-thought out. Promising the Immunity Idol to no less than three rival players, then playing it? Now who’s the dumbass?

This season took awhile to get going, but now it’s in high gear. Next week sees Russell fighting for his life. If I were him, I’d draw fire away from myself by making it look like Shambo has joined the Foa Foas. Otherwise, he’s toast in a funny hat.

‘Til then!